Sex. What’s the point?

For Adults Only

I don’t get what all the hype is about sex. I’ve heard that things get better as you get older but here I am knocking prime time’s door and I am less interested in sex than ever before.

When I have sex or think about it – I cringe. I feel uncomfortable and I have an urge to run like hell in the opposite direction. You know like the cat running from the horny skunk on that cartoon!

When I give in – I feel awkward. I feel it all (ekkk! so ignoring)  but not like ohhhh this is great – it’s more like a probing in out in out. Faking an orgasm… hell I’m lucky if I’m able to fake enjoyment. I find the probing so irritating and annoying that the more I say yes to sex the more I freaking hate sex and the more I don’t want to be with ANYONE.

Most of the time I find myself just spreading only to please him. I want him to be satisfied and men ‘need’ sex. After-all, I know if he don’t get it from home he will get it elsewhere.  But then I begin feeling bitter by doing something I totally hate and he’s not satisfying me in areas that are important to me. More times than none, anymore, I feel like giving up. I question why I go out of my way to satisfy him and keep him, when he does not do the same in return for me.

I dislike taking about it with others. I’ve tried that and it ends with some asshole making a smart ass remark to make or giving unwanted advice on how to fix myself. I know what an orgasm is. I can do it myself and I’ve experienced them during sex  but it really isn’t a feeling I run to get. Honestly I don’t think it has anything at all to do with me being broken. I think I just work differently (like I do in other areas of life) I think the stars and the moon need to line up in life for me to find that enjoyment.

When I’m not completely happy in life I one of two things either completely turned off by sex. Sex being totally undesirable and unpleasurable. Or I a sexaohlic with very little pleasure (but only when I control and have an interest). I don’t think it has much to do with him either. I know he can make it enjoyable. (Although the more he begs the less spontaneous I feel to approach him with a suprize)

Some interesting reads:

http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/2008/01/aspies-and-sexuality.html

http://thinkingautismguide.blogspot.com/2011/07/autism-and-orgasm.html

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