Crowded & Alone: Just one of those days…

Today has felt like one of those days when I feel over crowded, yet still alone. Alone in a world where I don’t seem to fit in. I feel like sometimes sense I learned I’m an Aspie that people deliberately try to confuse me or push the clear “don’t push me” buttons. So not only does it feel like I’m alone, it also feels like I’m the butt of some joke. Maybe its just others not taking me seriously. I keep a lot of my strange traits to myself. I never speak of them, ever. But the ones I do are really major in the since of comfort and happiness.

When I don’t clearly understand something and I ask questions, I  am not pretending to be stupid. I do not ask so to piss people off. If you are talking about something to me. I try to understand. I replay in my head attempting to make sense of it. If I do not understand, I will do one of two things: look at you – look down – then walk away or ignore you, or I will ask questions. When the person becomes irritated with me and raises their voice I shut them out. In my world I see LOUD unhappy voices as a threat. Out they go. Then later on, that person will calmed down and try to talk to me again. They become irritated again with me because I’m not listening. Again I naturally assume “threat,” “unpleasant,” “chaos,” “unhappy,” “don’t like me,” “bully” (ctrl + alt + delete) carry on with what you were doing… When I don’t feel like I can be apart of the convo because I don’t get it and feeling like I messed up by speaking up or made to feel like a stupid person then I don’t have interest in it.

To a normal – I would give them this example: listening to a guy speaking Spanish to you sounds like a story but and you do not know a single word in Spanish. You can not make out what he’s saying, when you tell him you don’t understand he begins shouting at you and making obscene gestures and you feel uncomfortable. You are going to think he’s crazy and walk away. If you see him again later that day you are not going to give him the time of day.

Advertisements
Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

An Older Aspie Mum

Different, but not Less

Tania A. Marshall, M.Sc.

Welcome to www.aspiengirl.com

Bridget Allen

4 out of 5 dentists recommend this blog

SQUIDALICIOUS

4 out of 5 dentists recommend this blog

Just Stimming...

A land we can share (a place I can map)

This is Autism Flash Blog

4 out of 5 dentists recommend this blog

From Obscurity

thoughts and experiences of a young autistic woman

Musings of an Aspie

one woman's thoughts about life on the spectrum

aspermama

thoughts from that weird mom at the playground

Rose with Thorns

Hope of recovery for all

80smetalman's Blog

Just another WordPress.com site

catastraspie

A personal blog about having Asperger's

makingsensefromchaos

laugh so you don't cry

The Asperger Café

Pull up a chair, enjoy a specialty coffee, rearrange the cutlery... ;-)

4 out of 5 dentists recommend this blog

Aspertypical

Changing the Face of Autism

%d bloggers like this: