Here are a few of my favorites…


  • The locks and alarms on your doors are similar to those on prison cells.
  • Your child can have the same thing for lunch every day and always enjoy it.
  • You are no longer alarmed by piercing, high pitched screams but only by the sound of broken glass.
  • The definition of a clean house is now, one that doesn’t have an overflowing trash can, dishes in the sink are rinsed, and laundry is at least in the hamper or in the basket.
  • Someone walks into your house and asks if you live in a dangerous neighborhood and you say no… the window locks, gate locks and three types of door locks are to keep my kid in… not bad guys out.
  • You can communicate with your non-verbal child without using words, PECS or sign language.
  • You still have to tie your teenagers shoe laces.
  • You have holes in your walls that were caused by your child’s head during meltdowns.
  • You know your child pooped…you just don’t know where.
And this one is more like me than him – he just has to eat his food in a particular order.
Your child has to sort his fruit loop cereals according to colors before eating them.
This is a partial list from the Facebook page Single Mothers who have Children with Autism.Visit the site to view the complete list!

Advice for Dating an Aspie

Advice for Dating an Aspie

If your partner is an Aspie, this post by Bittergrapes will help you come up with a plan about relationship dos and don’ts. Including things like: Being clear, honest, and upfront, avoid sarcasm, don’t assume it’s common sense, meltdowns, boundaries, and more.

Fake It to Make It

As an Adult with Aspies I have learned to adapt to societies mold to better look and act more neurotypical.

This could be the cause of one of many reasons.  I was never told ‘why’ I was different. But I would guess all Aspies learn to cope by adulthood to a certain degree.

Although I was tested as a child my parents did not accept the label. So it was never shared with me. I had a loving mom overall but she was not going to have a mental ill child and I would stop this or that. You will do that and this like the other children. She would nag and push and annoy me so much (and still does). It has always been a trigger for me.

My father did not believe in anything he could not see. I looked fine I was just acting stupid and he would spank and yell at me when I did xy&z. And if I did AB or C it was the same case. To avoid abuse and triggers I would make sure I was aware of what I was doing to make sure I did not “mess up” to my parents. I hated my dad and thankful he was not always around!

Recently I was at a meeting for my son. He is a lot like me. You know, something is just not quite right. As I was getting turned down for anything remotely going on with him. My sons councilor spoke up and stated my concerns that I have seen spectrum like things for some time and would like that ruled out or confirmed. No we don’t think so, they said. They started to tell me how a typical Aspies was and I let them know it ran in my family.

Not being heard I told them I have Asperger syndrome.  She caught off guard sarcasticly replied, “Oh really!?” Followed but I don’t see it – you are so “social” and you interact, you smile, and engage in what we are saying. People on the spectrum are robotic. I just can’t see that – why do you think you have Aspergers?

I snapped back rather quickly, I do not think I have Aspergers, I know. I have gone through the tests that I want little man tested for. Not only did I have the testing done but I had it done in TWO different states, years apart, with the same results, and the first set was not shared with the school before. So I do not think, I know. What you see is fake its been practiced. I have learned to cope with things as I grew up.

But you have emotion when you talk, she says.

Thank you for noticing. It is not always so  apparent. I’m actually rather bland. I have learned that I need to get neurotypicals to hear me I have to speak how they speak. I have actually taught myself to imitate people well for an Aspie to get where I am. This meeting took me all day to prepare for. And it will take the rest of the day for me to recover from. I had to work hard to get here today. And I slammed three Mountain Dews on the 10 minute ride here to prepare for my own body emotions. Weather they are appropriate or not I will surely show some! When I read your body language, I do not hear the words your voice produces. When I focus on my movements, where my eyes are looking, and trying not to make a dumb unappropriated face, its at the cost of going back home with very little info.

I attempted to remind her I was not here to prove anything about myself but to talk about my kid.

She had to make a few more comments. I’m so hungry I would can eat a horse. Oh my god you are going to eat a horse? is something someone with Aspergers would say.

I wonder if she saw the fucked up look on my face. I’m certain it showed! Not that I thought she was claiming to eat a horse but the way she said it I did not get that she was speaking in a metaphor. I was lost for a minute about what we were talking about.  I didn’t figure it out entirely until we got back to the car! But I had replied that I was an adult and it was alot of learning to get to the place I was at.

Then the one last thing she just needed to say was, “… but emotions. A person with Aspergers has no emotions. They just do not care. You seem caring. Your son seems caring.”

I snapped for a moment. Offended as I do have emotions. I have lots of emotions. I never show them the way that fits societies one sized fits all mold but I still have emotions and I do still care and feel. I found myself blurting out about my recent funerals for  loved ones. Very close loved ones. My son and I were the only ones with dry eyes. We hug people and tried to fit in but neither of us shed a tear. We had the only dry eyes in the place. It wasn’t that we didn’t morn. I wasn’t that we didn’t care. It’s not that we can not cry. In fact we can cry about something stupid that is meaning less. But we did not and could not cry their. I’m sure I looked like a cold hard bitch and like I raised my kid to be the same. But that is not true. I miss my loved ones but I moaned them differently. To me it was more helpful to plant a tree in the yard for my uncle who loved to do wood working. My son and I both decided a garden was much better for our Grandmother. The fruit we grew reminded us of her daily all season. We paid respect to her grave by dropping off the prized tomato for her to have.

So to say we don’t have emotions is unprofessional and completely untrue. I’m sorry if my choice of emotion affends others (not really) but I do not fit in your one-size-fits-all and I will not try and force it.

Accept that Aspies is the same but in a different way!

An Older Aspie Mum

Different, but not Less

Tania A. Marshall, M.Sc.

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